Almost

I don’t have a yellow umbrella. I did go to them with a blue French horn but they decided not to come to the window. I do take a peek from my window once in a while, maybe, just maybe…I socialise at parties with a ballot box costume, no luck yet. I am waiting for my Goliath National Bank building to happen; which someday I will point at and say-‘This is my creation’. I am almost there, but just almost. 

In this series of missed chances, mistakes and wrong choices, some wins and but most failures, nothings and broken heart pieces, do you know how I survived and what kept me going all these years? It was you Ted. 

You taught me to make mistakes even though I knew it was one; because I had to, to learn. You inspired me to still go on, to doubt and yet believe in everything. Even though Universe is too busy with important things, I still look for signs from it. Somewhere may be I will spot my yellow school bus or bass guitar and find my calling. You made me feel okay to be scared, to take chances and to hopelessly cling on to hope. 

There was a profound truth in what you said about beauty in the unfinished arts. And along the way I came to terms with my ‘almosts’, almost started loving them.  

I know one day a moment will come when I will look back and all the dots will be connected. I know one day I will walk into the classroom full of students and I will know this is where I belong. I know one day when I am almost ready to leave, I will find him at the platform with a yellow umbrella in hand. It will be your voice which will tell me to go and say, “Hi.”

Until then I am picking up every lucky penny, cherishing a locket as a sign from the  Universe and living in my almost…