Being Better than the Bests....story of a coveted "MBA Life"...

Week 4

When your inbox gets flooded with mails asking you to fill some or the other Google doc on your suggestion about pattern of end term exam paper or which movie to be watched or what song to be selected for fresher’s; when you have many “group works” to submit, so many that you actually loose the track of which one is of which subject ; when the concept of “quiz” starts becoming familiar; and if you don’t have any other work you for sure have one mail from admin about filling your profile sheet ( actually you have filled so many profile sheets now that you have doubt, admin people know more about you than you have ever known about yourself); THIS IS THE  time when you have entered “Week 4 “ or the end of your foundation course stage.

This is also the time when you start using adverbs like, “usually, mostly, now a day”, daily, while talking to your family and friends back home. It is just a month  in collage but now the duration of your stay feels like ages. Economic Times, the paper which you tried reading to “show off “ in your peers at office or friends at collage, understanding an article in which gave you “wow, I am so smart ” feeling, now suddenly becomes a constant tab in your browser along with FB. Normal conversations include heavy words like “utility derived from Game of Thrones compared to derived from Sherlock”, “average cost will be reduced if we go to Poptates”, “ Don’t generalized characteristic of complete population based on few samples” (btw, the discussion here is about fellow batch mates).  You struggle to apply these Eco and Fin concepts in the practice problem given in paper but they come naturally to you while in conversation and that too at a very apt, technically correct situations. Now is also the time when you are learning to mange time. You study, solve assignments ( I think so..) whole night and do the trivial work like sleeping , downloading songs/videos, setting FB status  in the lecture. Well, friends, now that’s what time management is all about, isn’t it?

Amidst all the filing of Google docs (your new effective tool for coming two years) and brainstorms over which committees to be applied, you receive timetable for “end term”.  Please don’t even try and explain your non-MBA school friends, why is your end term just after 4 weeks you have to give end term exam. But ironically, you find these two days of exam little better, as you have to focus on only one thing. As always, you don’t know when your exam started and ended but yes, suddenly every one wants to know implications of getting C or D grade.

Most awaited mail of “PG Lab aka A collage sponsored trip to near by hill station” which is of course preceded by filling up Google spread sheets of questioners and bunch of psychometric tests; marks the end of your Foundation Course and beginning of your actual semester…

Beginning at the End...

Countdown has started. 

Not just weather but also a phase of life is about to change.

 You are standing at the crossroads of two worlds. One, in which you were living so far, was filled with dreams and expectations and another, which will hopefully be real existence of those dreams. The passage joining two worlds is these coming two years.

You are thrilled at the beginning of one whole new era yet sad for the end of one.

It is like reading the last chapter of a great book. You are re-reading the last paragraph. Even though another incredible book awaits, you are not ready to keep this one down.

It is like watching the final scene of your favorite sitcom’s season finale, over and over again. Though new season is just round the corner, you are still hung up on that last scene.

Summer is gone but you are still holding those dried leaves.

 No matter how exciting, thrilling future looks, no matter how eagerly you await that future, you are just not ready to move on. Not now. Not yet.

But whether you are ready or not, change is inevitable.

You close the book, exit the media player, you let the leaves fall.

You wonder, whether moving on will mean leaving behind the part of you? Is this resistance because of the unfamiliarity of future or because of familiar past?  Is this the overwhelming thrill or just a foolish fear?

Finally the conflict ends. Mind triumphs over the muscle.

You have picked up the new book. New season is getting downloaded. And you take the drops of first welcoming rain on your face.

“No matter how much the future is scary you can’t cling to the familiar past. You go up front and face the future” ; a cliché dialogue from some tv series now suddenly becomes beautiful thought.

Then you realize, there are many sailing with you and you are not alone. There are many who have gone ahead who will guide you and you are not lost. There are some people, some things who have become so much part of you that no matter what,they will be just the same for you; Like small clear voices in heart, like your North Stars.

Taking your North Stars with you, holding unto your dreams for future;

Now you are not sad for the end.

 NOW you are ready to move on.

...ready to pick up a pen and write yet another beginning...

Moving On...

On the big scheme of time, I am just a mere name,

Yet it changes me, though I want to remain same.

I live life in moments and the experiences I take,

Going through every change a new self is what I make.

To “let go and move on” is a hardest thing I find,

Coz with each step ahead, a part of soul is left behind.

 Now I seek, those things and people, which are solely of my own.

They are the sense and purpose, of my existence beyond known.

They are part of me and will change alike me in same ways,

As I move on every time, they will be with me… always…

Have you ever had a dream...

Have you ever had a dream, which you nurtured close to your heart.

Every single night you pray to God with this dream in eyes. This dream becomes the reason for your sleepless nights and inspiration of all your efforts.

All the decisions you take, choices you make revolves around achieving this single dream. It is like your very existence is linked to it.

People tell you that it is just an obsession. But only you know that it’s your passion. They say you are making it larger for no reason and it is not the destination of life. But only you know that it is that path which will lead to your destination. Only you can feel that this dream has become larger than any of your other wishes.

You put in your efforts, pull in your best. You know that your conviction will force Universe to conspire for you. You have this immense faith on Universe and more on your self.

You fail in achieving this dream. Not just once but twice. People tell you, it is a lost cause.  Your own people start doubting your capabilities. But you stand firm. You fight. You fight against every failure in your past life, fight for all those occasions when life denied you what you deserved. You fight against that every single person who mocked you in your failure and left. It is your only chance and you know it. Last chance to earn the lost glory, to earn that lost respect, to make your dream come true.

 Once you have done your part by putting the best of you out there, taking your final stand, now the Verdict lies at the hands of fate.

Then it all begins. That long dreary wait. Feeble attempts to weigh the odds and make statistical guesses. You hate the fact nothing is left in your hand. That your dream now lay at the hands of unseen Force puling strings in the name of destiny.You feel helpless. Your only weapon to get through this phase is HOPE…

And then it happens.

That moment arrives. Not with some background rock music or sweet symphony. It just comes unannounced. Simply like any other day, like any other time.

YOU did it. Your dream has come true. The moment you always imagined. You had wondered how you yourself would react to it.

But like they say, ‘When you reach there, there is no There there.”

It is not triumph, not exuberance of emotions and not even cloud 9. What you feel at that exact movement is : Peace. Solace. Calmness. You let your soul drown in it. It just takes you fraction of seconds to absorb this glory, to accept that your dream is right here in real.

You feel like you have always belonged to this moment all your life so far. All the dots are now getting connected. Path to your destination is now set.

Then people ask me, “How do you feel now?” After all this big buzz for over past couple of years, “How can you be so calm after getting your so called dream?”

And I reply, “It is my moment. No one else in the world can fathom it’s important but me. This is the feeling you can’t describe. You can only feel it”.

And my words fall short here…

Voyage of a soul...

Leaving behind that cheerful place, that crowd with strangely familiar face,

I come to the land I have always known, the one closer to the home.

Yet I walk the streets so lone, fight with the mind on my own.

Place to stay is what I have to make, but will this rush be a mistake?

Not so sure of what’s there ahead, I choose to remain traveler instead.

Just as dawn descends, a strange signal my heart sends.

I can’t hear the noises, can’t see people around,

Just hear my heartbeat and not a single sound.

When everything seems so right, what’s bothering me tonight?

Then an inner voice breaks the monologue,

“ Trust your heart and keep going ahead.

When stars are guiding you, why so scared?

You are not lost just because you wander,

To your fears and doubts, never surrender.

Going ahead, regret is not what you take with,

 Make your own story, breaking life’s myth.

One fine day, find you’ll the place you are seeking…

LIVE it on your own terms, it’s your story in making…”

Shoe Bite.

“ Hey what do u do when u get a bad intuition?” I asked my bro Akshay. “What can u do? Why to get a bad intuition in the first palce?” was his reply. This is how my D-day started. Harbajan was still playing shots somewhere in head; hangover of previous day’s match and I was trying to get over it by sipping coffee.

                       There is something about formals that makes you feel smarter and confident. or maybe its just about that moment. Whatever it may be, but I stepped out feeling the same. While on my way to Andheri, there was this one thought, that this is my only hope, only hope to make it to a good Bschool this year, today it’ll be somewhat clear whether I’ll have to join job or not. All set to give my best shot to my only chance, I entered into S.P. Jain Bhavan’s premises. “ “What? This is it? This is the campus of SP Jain?... You know what, when you enter IIMA you immediately feel the impact of its granger.” I said to Akshay. I don’t know why I said this just before entering the registration room “ Yar, ek try tar bantoch IIM A.B.C sathi”. “Ho!! Absolutely….Ok then. All the best. Do well.” was his reply.

                   While I was waiting for them to call me for round one, something started troubling me.  I knew it wasn’t tension. Oh! Dam it!!  My formal shoes! It’s a shoe-bite!  I tried to forget that pain which was really getting worse. Finally my name was called and… I entered. I was the only girl and the only fresher in my group of six people. What happened in a group PI is not worth telling. Akshay always told me that job experience makes a difference for admission to such colleges. And my reply to it used to be “ Wha..t??(In Barney Stinson style). Its nothing like that.” But when I was done with my interview I realized what he meant. As I came out of the room I was shouting in my head “ Wha..t?? (again in Barney style but this time the meaning was different)”.My brain told me its over.  I messed up and there is no question of 2^nd round now. But this “filmy bhedia” dil of mine was not ready to accept. I waited with hopes for the result. In real life your heart never wins specially when you want it to, and that’s what happened. I wasn’t shortlisted. I still waited in the room, probably expecting that some one will come and say that there was a mistake and you are through or I was just taking time to accept that I lost the only hope I had.

                       When I returned to the car my face was more than enough for my bro to understand what happened. Through out the journey from Andheri to Bandra there was contemplation over interview. Akshay was doing some Bro talk to cheer me up like “ It doesn’t matter.  Anyways you wanted to give one more try for IIMs”. He

  He also took his  “MBA graduate” role and gave some suggestions. But nothing seemed to be working. I was still asking myself “How could I? Why? What’s wrong?” To make things worse my shoes have eaten my feet totally by that time and I really didn’t know then which pain was stronger. When we got down at Mc Dee at Linking road, I couldn’t walk. Stupid shoe bite was badly troubling. Looking at me struggling with the shoe Akshay shouted at me, “ Why do you even want to hold on to those shoes if its hurting so much? Just take them out and walk barefoot for a while.” I did as he told. Then he said something more to himself “ Sometimes things just don’t fit in and you have to let them go. Make sure you don’t make same mistake next time”. I really don’t know whether it was for my shoes or for this whole interview thing.

                 Guess what, it worked. I felt better walking bare feet. It also attracted gaze of some kool guys in Mc Dee, a girl;dressed up in formals walking with shoes in hand;interesting site…Trust me I never enjoyed chicken Mc king so much before!

                 Now here I am back in Nagpur, giving a rethought over this Mumbai trip of mine.

                      Well, about my SHOE- BITE…wound is still there. It hurts sometime but not that bad. In fact that mark will remind me when I go for a formal shoe next time that I should pick the correct one. Now I know for sure which shoe I want, it’ll be difficult to get hold of it but I’ll try my best. Coz I know its not always about whether you or anything else going wrong. Sometimes everything is correct at its own place but it’s just that you have to make things fit together or else its like a shoe- If its not a fit for you or you are not a fit for it, it is bound to give you a SHOE BITE!!